Why Love Isn’t Working Out

Tonight, my mother, whom I love dearly, and I decided to watch a chick flick because… Why not? I’m not always a fan of these movies. The action movies, comedic movies and series always intrigue me more than movies about a boy driving around his girl in a pick up truck with his shirt off. Tonight, I was again reminded of why I’m not a huge fan of these movies. There is so much wrong with chick flicks. Yes, they can be fun movies to go see. Yes, sometimes they have good story lines. Yes, our favorite actor can play the main role and be a super cute Romeo… I understand that those are all perks but tonight, I saw why I always choose to pick a movie without a soppy love story.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good story about two great people falling in love. I draw the line when a movie manipulates a viewer to feel certain emotions and feelings about the picture-perfect love story. The film we had decided to watch tonight was about a married woman who met up with her high school sweetheart, whom she had not married. The story drew you in with their back story and made you love them being together. But when heartbreak came, which it always does in a classic love story, there grows a tug in your heart to hope that the couple gets back together. But like I said, this woman was married. In the movie, it wasn’t made to look so bad because they loved each other. But in real life, affairs are not taken lightly. There is a lot of pain and turmoil that comes from affairs. This movie did not even make an appeal to the fact that this affair was wrong because this woman had made a vow to her husband. There were so many elements to this movie that only showed me how ridiculous it can sometimes be to watch people passionately fall in love on the big screen.

There are many movies that I love where two people fall in love throughout a detailed, interesting plot of a movie. There are many movies that I hate that show a couple that is always “on-again-off-again”. There are ridiculous reasons for break ups and even more ridiculous reasons for two people to get back together when they obviously have problems they need to deal with by themselves…

Let me tell you why these movies bother me so much.

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50% of marriages end in divorce. This makes me incredibly sad for people and for the love we desperately long for. It makes me sad because families are being split up, financial situations create conflict, friendships can end, hard family and job decisions have to be made, and each person getting a divorce has to deal with getting over a person they loved and cared for so long because new arrangements have to be made for their lives.

I’ve never been married or divorced. But I can tell you that I hate losing people in my life that have meant a lot to me, people whom I’ve loved. When I think of friends that I haven’t talked to in years, it hurts to remember our memories and past together. When I think of all the brokenness and pain that comes from divorcing your husband or wife, I can’t even imagine what I would do in that situation.

I can’t sit here and tell you why there are so many divorces today. Frankly, I think there are billions of reasons why divorce is so common in our culture. But when I look at these chick flicks, I think of all the young girls that watch those movies and fantasize about their perfect relationship or marriage someday with the perfect guy. They shape their expectations on these movies that don’t represent reality.

He will be handsome and strong and thoughtful and romantic and sexy and sensitive.. maybe even rich. He might be a childhood friend or a relationship that has been on and off for years because there is a lot of fighting, but your burning passion for him will make it work… Or maybe he will drive you around in his pick up truck and pick you flowers and row you in a boat across the lake by his house to tell you he’s always loved you…

You might have had movies in mind during that last paragraph. When we watch these movies and fall in love with these scenes that are incredibly romantic and picture-perfect, we need to remember that these movies are simply that, movies. They are staged, scripted moments that two people have to act out. Their on screen partners are most likely not their real husband or wives. They go back home to a real marriage as real people. These relationships that have been written and created are only being acted for an exciting story for the common viewer.

No one is going to say the perfect words perfectly, no one is going to know exactly what you want in life on your first or second date, and no one is going to look that perfect when they wake up in the morning! I’m sorry, but we know that is not reality. We’ve all seen ourselves in the mirrors when we wake up. It’s not even close to what those actors look like on the screen.

I don’t like chick flicks because they take us away from reality and paint us a distorted picture of the kind of love we should look for. The kind of love that we should look for is a love that is selfless. We should look for a love that keeps no record of wrongs and loves no matter what. We should look for a love that is not just about emotions or feelings, but a love that endures through sickness, fights, imperfections, and baggage. A love that will never give up, even when quitting looks like the easiest way out.

I don’t want a love like the “love” they talk about in the movies. It is staged and scripted and has a lot of make up on it. That is not how my life is. My life isn’t perfect and I don’t expect a guy in my life to be perfect either. But even when it’s not perfect, love will endure. That is the kind of love we need in this culture. We need a love that serves without recognition. A love that thinks of another’s needs before oneself. A love that will last forever.

I thank God for the love He has shown me in my life. He has surrounded me with friends and family that always love me no matter what. His choice to love me always blows my mind and reminds me of the kind of love I want to give to others. It’s unconditional. To love like God does, one needs to have a servant’s heart. That is how I want to love. A servant may not look good for the screen, but the kind of service a servant gives to someone is worth more than a one night stand. It’s worth more than a relationship that holds someone back from being who they really are. It’s worth more than going from relationship to relationship to feel worth. It’s worth more than an affair that will destroy families. Serving someone without getting paid, because you love them, is priceless. That is how I’ve seen love through the best people in my life and through God.

That is what we need. Our generation can be different. We can look at the statistics, at these movies filled with emotions and tear-jerkers and kick them to the curb. Love is worth that fight. Love is what we need.

Girls, don’t look for some guy that will charm his way into your life. Don’t look for a guy that is just a good “looker” but a guy who has a heart to match his beautiful eyes. Be the woman you want to be not who he wants you to be. Wait for the right guy to be your last first kiss. Don’t give away too much to other guys or you may not have a whole lot to give to the man of your dreams.

Guys, find a girl that is beautiful because of who she is. Looks will fade. Wrinkles are promising in our futures. Build a future with someone who can laugh with you and support you through every season of life. Make a commitment and treat your girl like a queen all the days of your life.

Let’s be the generation to love unconditionally and faithfully. That is what our world needs.


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